In June my sweetheart and I hand fasted. In August, I started the MS program of my dreams. In October, we were married in a civil ceremony and moved in together. In November, he had a kidney transplant.
Now, all of these things have been tremendous blessings in our lives. I love being married. I love my classes. I'm so happy he came through the transplant process healthy and whole, even if it seemed touch and go there for the first month or so.
But also?
It's been stressful as fuck.
Big changes are always stressful. Even when they are changes for the better.
Over the course of the last few month's events housework has falled to the wayside. It's not surprising really. Sorting through boxes, stuff in and out of storage, major changes to the household and our lives.
Twice as many dishes (or more since we both enjoy cooking), twice the laundry, twice the clutter.
Unsurprisingly, this has an impact on my spiritual life. I have a small temple area. It was meant to be a breakfast nook, but its too small to comfortably have a table and room to eat. It's become staging area for all the stuff going in and out of our home. I recently had gotten in cleared out and had been doing my daily practice pretty regularly. Unfortunately, I recently pulled a muscle in my back, a ligament in my foot, and caught a bug that's been going around. Plus, no matter how many boxes I empty, there are always "just a few more" to go through. Our home is no where near anything found on those hoarders TV shows, but I feel like I am constantly surrounded by enough clutter to put me out of my comfort zone and too sick and broken to fix it.
The consequence to all of this is that I have "fallen off the wagon" so to speek with my spiritual life. With no place to call my own I have no where to go to meditate for any length of time. No way of singing in front of my altars without being overheard. I trip over boxes and piles of stuff trying to get to my altars. I can't remember the last time I did magic uninterrupted. And I'm depressed as hell right now. I feel so detached from the goddess, from the magic that was once such a daily part of my life.
We are both too sick and injured to do anything about it. I'm hoping our tax return is enough to get us into a bigger place early this summer.
Virginia Wolf was right. A woman needs a room of her own. A magic room, a place to study and sing and pray and dance. All alone.
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